What I learnt from America
Many of you know that, besides being your Bombshell Maven, I am an actress. Recently I took part in filming the world’s first Constellation film. (That, Bombshells, is a brag, more on the art of the brag in another post).
I played America. Yep, I happily took on the role of our country. God Bless me. While playing this role, I was able to experience the concepts of connection and desire in a whole new way.
During filming, I became aware of when certain other characters in the film were drawn to me while others blocked themselves from me. It was a discernible feeling that I realized correlated between me as America and me in my everyday life. I was in the middle of a push-pull desire; in this role I was the object of desire for the others, as opposed to being the one who is desiring something outside of myself.
What I felt playing America was an enormous egalitarianism in my acceptance and desire for others. I felt drawn to these new people, concepts, and experiences. I found myself wanting an interaction with every character in the film. When approached, some of them responded back to me. Some I loved, some I distrusted, some were very enchanting, and I enjoyed and welcomed all of the different types of interactions. Other characters didn’t respond to me or even acknowledge me. I tried reaching out in order to make them aware of me and invite them to make a connection with me. When they still refused to respond I chose to drop the matter. I kept myself open to them, however, to allow an easy reconnection should they so choose; they didn’t. I was naturally drawn in by those who sought out and welcomed my attention, and I, Paula, felt sad for those who rejected my energies. However as I tuned in more deeply to my role of America I found that I had ceased to care. My concern for those connections quickly shifted into a feeling of “Oh well, moving on”.
But I was curious to dive deeper into this sensation with those blocked off characters. It felt as if there was a veil or invisible wall separating us, like a vacancy of energy between us. And I couldn’t get through it. I couldn’t get to them because of that invisible wall.
“What you seek is seeking you.” – Rumi
Let’s take this away from me as America (the object of the desire) and those other characters (the seeker) so that you can see what I’m getting at. For the object of desire to get to the seeker, the seeker had to give up some notion or idea of what the relationship was. This preconceived idea was being thrown out into the ethers and transformed into this invisible, impenetrable wall. It doesn’t matter what that notion or idea was – on the seekers part , it could be they’d tried to connect in the past and it never worked because old stories came up such as I’m too “old /poor/rich/ugly/beautiful/fat/thin/male/female” etc. It could have been any number of those reasons and more. It doesn’t matter what exactly the idea was – it had become a barrier to the connection. However, it is not the reason the connection was not being made: the seeker simply allowed that preconceived idea to be a barrier. Again this is not so much about what that idea/notion is, as it is about it being subconsciously projected out into the universe, creating an impenetrable barrier. As America (object of desire) I felt my own desire to connect and interact with the other characters (the seeker). There was no doubt that desire existed, just as there was no doubt it dissipated after receiving no response. The funny thing is that I knew it would have been very easy for the seeker to acknowledge their want of connection with me (as America), and my focus would have been brought right back to them without hesitation. All they had to do was acknowledge, refocus, and connect. Fascinating, right?
So, in short, I present to you an age-old truth: What you seek is seeking you. What you want wants you. And I ask you to consider letting down your barriers (old ideas/notions) and refocusing by honing in on what you want, feel into the object of your desire, and notice its longing for you. I suspect that once you do that, your object of desire will feel you reaching out, and then the connections can be made. That’s when the creation process can begin.